A Suaside's Note

   I started drinking at the tender age of 21 which was really late compared to all my other friends who started around 14 or 15 years old. So you have to picture a grown man just starting to drink, that doesn’t know how to drink, surrounded by nothing but professional drinkers. I had to learn fast to hang with the guys and let me tell you, I started running before I knew how to crawl (my first drink of alcohol was Hennessy and apple juice). I mean, I was drinking everything around me! I was taking shots of tequila with shots of vodka, shotgunning beer in record speeds then taking shots of jager, drinking champagne out the bottle and downing those little whiskey bottles that you get on planes right after. Yes, I spent a lot of time throwing up all over the place and locking myself in the bathroom then passing out but I was enjoying it all. I was 21 for crying out loud so I could go buy alcohol whenever I wanted! I wasn’t some teenager trying to sneak around and do it. One would also think that his friends would help him during this time but these guys just cheered me on and brought me more malt liquor. What are friends for, right?

   Anyways, this story is mostly about one certain night I went out and how stupid I was at the beginning of my drinking life. Thankfully I don’t drink like that anymore but don’t think I don’t have a blast when I do go out these days. Yea, I’ve grown a lot but I still like to have a good time. It’s just that not everything is a good idea anymore.

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   One day, I was walking home from the 7 Eleven that was not too far from my house. At the time, I was in junior high and many of the kids that went to my school lived in the same neighborhood as me. I was approaching one of those kids’ house when I noticed that a classmate of mine was outside with a friend of hers. They weren’t doing anything really. Just hanging out. As I got closer, I noticed them notice me approaching and they started whispering to each other and looking back at me like kids do. Me, being Mr. Cool and all, started walking a little taller and smiling back at them. I think I even pulled out a pimp limp but I could be wrong.

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   One day, a father decides to spend a wonderful day with his son. He tells his little boy the good news and the child nearly jumps out of his socks with excitement then runs to his room to get ready. The father stands there, smiling at his boy that seems to be growing too fast. The little boy runs out of his room, after what seemed like seconds, and heads straight to the front door. The father grabs his house keys and meets his son at the front door, stops and smiles down at him then heads out into the bright sunny day with his precious son. Outside, everything seems as normal as every other day but today will change both their lives forever.

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   (Yea yea, I told myself I wouldn’t put up my stupid ass poetry to torture you guys with but this is funny to me…in a dark way.)

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“Excuse me officer, can you loosen the cuffs a little bit? I can’t feel my thumbs.” I say from the back of his police car. “Yea, sure. Wait till we get to the station. It’s right up here.” He says to me in a very understanding voice as he makes a right into the station. He pulls up to the back where, I’m guessing, all the drunk asses or criminals are taken. He stops the car and gets out then walks to the back to help me out. My hands are numb from the cuffs and I can’t wait till he loosens them or even takes them off. He walks me to a door and tells me to stop. While holding my wrists, he unlocks the door to the back of the station and opens it. He steps back behind but instead of loosing the cuffs, he clicks them one notch tighter and pushes me in then locks the door behind me. (Damn!)

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   I woke up around 11:30am with a nail in my head, well, not really but that’s what it felt like because of the amount of alcohol I consumed the previous night. It was one of those pray-to-god-never-do-it-again hangovers. Nauseous as hell but so so hungry. I’m sure you can relate.

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I know a few people have kids and I know that the majority of those parents care about their kids so I’m not gonna sit here a write about how much of a great father I am (even though I am, get it right). I just want to write about a few “father and daughter” situations I have had in the past. Yes, I know everyone is very protective of their kids but I, for some reason, think I am more than the rest. Take this for example…

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   Just wanted to say that writing funny stories is a lot harder than i thought. So many stories are jumping to mind but none are funny and I don’t want to turn this into a dark, twisted, someone-call-him-and-see-if-he’s-ok blog thingy. I have spent many nights in front of this damn laptop waiting for something funny to come to mind but nothing worth typing jumps at me, only serious situations and some quite sad. I’m hoping I’m not just lazy but I’m pretty sure it’s because of the state of mind I’m in, I’m losing hair for crying out loud!

   Anyways, just giving you guys a heads up to let you know I have not quit this just yet. Let me get things in order and I’m sure the funny will be back.