A Suaside's Note

   One Sunday morning, I’m getting dressed for church. It’s the late 80’s and a young Me is running around the house looking for my church shoes. The rest of the family is almost ready and I’m beginning to get stressed because I don’t want to be the last one ready for church. I run into the living room and almost dive under the couch and there, in the back, are both my shoes. I think to myself on how they could have gotten all the way back there and only one reason comes to mind, my brother Bryan. Always messing with me. I reach under the couch and pull them both out then I turn and sit on the couch then quickly put them on. I sit for a second to make sure I am ready then I look on the couch to my left and notice my mom’s purse. I don’t know why I decided to look in it but I did, not knowing what I’d find.

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   The drink in my hand is cold and I can feel everything about it. I can feel each bubble making its way around each ice cube to only die when it reaches the surface. The cold drips of condensation running down to my fingertips on the outside of the cold glass. The two little black straws that make me think of reverse snorkeling. I glance up from the drink in my hand and I can only think of one thing; they’re trying to kill me.

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About ten years ago, I was approved a $2500 limit platinum credit card. At this time in my life, that was an amazing thing and I am still confused why they would approve that much credit to a guy like me. I was a lot younger and I didn’t really have much responsibilities in my life. I lived at home, had no bills (except my car note) and my Mom fed me. The life, right? All I really did was work, sleep, get drunk and go out with my friends. All that stuff is really cool for a guy like me during those days but if you throw a $2500 credit card in the mix, things got a lot more interesting. So began the “Tattoo Nights”.

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    The other day a coworker asked me if I’ve ever been snowboarding. I told him I’ve never been but I wouldn’t mind trying some day, I haven’t broke my ass bone in a while. I said this to him because there hasn’t been a trip to the snow where I haven’t hurt my ass bone. All the trips I’ve taken to the snow as a kid and a young adult have all been hilariously fun but there was always one constant, I would always break my ass bone.

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   The other day at work, I’m called to do a drug test. That’s fine with me because it’s a little break from the job and sitting for an hour or so never hurt no one.

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   Last night, I decided to get ready for bed so I began my normal routine of turning off all the lights and checking all the doors to make sure they are locked. After closing the sliding door on the side of the house and securing it, I turn to lock Gizmo’s (my dog) cage. (I lock him in his cage at night because he likes to wander the house at night and piss and crap in his favorite places to piss and crap.)

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   The movie “E.T.” came out in the 80’s and I was around 5 years old at the time. There isn’t much I remember at that age but I do remember my Love for E.T. I remember my mom getting me everything she could that was E.T. related. I had the toys and even a stuffed teddy bear type E.T. I remember really loving that damn stuffed E.T. I took it with me everywhere. I even started loving Reese’s Pieces because E.T. loved them too!

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    I tried this at work a few years ago and I found it to be really funny to me. I’m not sure if people have done this already but it’s fun if you find yourself extra bored at work or anywhere else for that matter.

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   In 2008 I went to El Salvador with a few of my very best friends. The whole trip was an experience that will never be forgotten and the very best part of that trip, for me, was the day we spent at the beach house (We would’ve stayed two days but we had an issue with a passport so we left the states a day late). The beach house where the last piece of chicken went missing.

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